the meaning of life is laying on the beach

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
artemisfowlcodex
biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

I love artemis fowl bc the author decided to write about fairies who live underground & have magic, but the coolest thing about them by far is their super tech.

like yeah elves exist but more importantly they have laser weapons

bewaretheidesofmarchyall

Exactly

I read so many books in the “pre-teen child discovers magical realm and must fight to protect it” genre as a fledgeling

But then Artemis Fowl decided to take that concept and turn it into Mission Impossible, and I think that changed 11-year-old me’s life for good

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

"preteen child discovers magical realm and immediately decides to kidnap a fairy for a million dollar ransom" BLESS you Eoin Colfer, bless

artemisfowlcodex

Preteen child discovers that secret fairy race has fucking nukes, makes plan around goading them into using one. As a not-entirely-necessary part of his escape plan.
All over a literal ton of gold.

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vaspider
feefal

image

Dino cube :)

leatherleaves

My 2 year old son is obsessed with your Dino cube. When I showed him he audibly gasped and took my phone from me so he could zoom in and look at different parts of Dino cube. He looked at Dino cube’s face and turned to me and said “happy!!!” and I said yes, Dinosaur is happy!

He spent 5 minutes just admiring every part of Dino cube, he would’ve spent longer if I’d let him lol. Picture saved so he can look more later.

feefal

Genuinely the cutest thing I’ve read :’) Your sons “happy!!” comment is the single most greatest art critique I’ve received

theminecraftbee
luigra

honestly the second I& heard the scope of the project and that they were asking hermits around for help I& just knew Joe would be there. And yep sure enough. There's nothing xe enjoys more than absurdly ginormous mega-grindy projects, doing something helpful for other hermits, and annoying someone with an absurd inconvenience that is only there to Prove a Point. Which is to say Buttercup!Joe would go hard

hermitcraft spoilers in a way
theminecraftbee
theminecraftbee

okay so the thing is. the thing that escalates this from "annoying thing to do" to "hysterical prank 10/10 what the fuck" is the fact they terraformed it. because like. okay. if they wanted solely to annoy doc, putting a regular layer of some material with a decent explosion resistance over the top of it would do it. doing a flat plane of dirt would do it. you'd see that and go "the mad lads they covered the perimeter up". but they terraformed it. they put in the effort of not only doing hills, but doing minecraft plains biome style hills. they're rolling. they put TREES on it. they made it look like, at first glance, the terrain could have come in that way. it looks good. it took way more effort to make than it will ever, ever take to clean it up. it makes it so that your first instinct on seeing it isn't "oh my god someone put a cap on the perimeter" it's "OH MY GOD, WHERE DID THE PERIMETER GO, WHAT THE FUCK". it's brilliant. it's a work of art. doc is gonna tweet so much about it. 10/10, excellent hermitcraft prankage.

hermitcraft spoilers i'm somewhat sure it was happening during tangos stream because he said “there's a meeting going on and i should probably be there” and iskall was on during both the stream and the covering
darubyprincx
rabbitinheadlights

I feel like the reason certain dog-lovers insist cats are evil is because they read their body language as if they were dogs. So here’s a very basic guide to common “mean” things cats do that actually aren’t mean at all if you know what they’re thinking.

Rolling and exposing belly- attacks you when touched
Does not mean: Give belly rubs! - haha I tricked you! 
Actually means: I’m playful! If you reach for my belly I’ll grab your arm and bite it because I think we’re playfighting! 

Lazily exposing belly - still attacks when touched
Does not mean: tricked you again!
Actually means: I’m showing you my belly because I trust you. Please don’t break that trust by invading my personal space. I might accept a belly rub if I’m not ticklish and I know you well.

Snapping at you while being pet
Does not mean: I suddenly decided I dislike you!
Actually means: You’re petting me in a way that gives me too much restless energy. Please focus on petting my head and shoulders instead of stroking the full length of my back next time.

Is in the same room but makes no attempt to interact
Does not mean:  I’m ignoring you
Actually means: We’re hanging out! I’m being respectful by giving you space while still enjoying your company.

Slapping/scratching your hand when you try to pet them
Does not mean: I hate you!
Actually means: You’ve failed to establish that we’re not playing, or the way you’re approaching me scares me. Be calmer, speak more gently, make eye-contact and blink slowly at me before you try again.

squeakykins

I love this post omg, thank you so much. As a lifelong cat person, dogs perplex me because they’re so completely different behaviourally.

blome3kissesbitch

I love dogs too but, I’ve been trying to tell people, you canNOT treat cats like you treat dogs. They arent the same animals and have very different personalities

blome3kissesbitch

P.s.: people often pet cats way too hard. Dogs like a firm pet or a pat on the belly, cats dont have the same bone structure and are more flexible than dogs so what you’re doing probably hurts them

naamahdarling

Sitting and staring
Does not mean: I am challenging you/plotting your demise/just generally evil and creepy.
Actually means: I am a desert-adapted species, so my natural tears are very thick and keep my eyes moist for a nice long time. I do find people interesting and enjoy watching them.  I just don’t need to blink very often!

Staring and blinking slowly
Does not mean: I’m smug and think I am smarter than you.
Actually means: I like you! But I don’t need to get up in your face to show it.  I can just sit over here and blow kisses at you to show you I am glad you are around!

It’s very frustrating for me when people expect cats to act like dogs, or act like they’re deceitful.  They aren’t!  They just AREN’T DOGS.

lafememeistnoire

Pour les chats 🐈💞

jimminovak

Get ready for “more reasons why I fucking love cats”

  • Yes, the legends are true. Cats headbutt you to show their trust and affection. They also do it to show “hey look I see you as family.” Lions do it with members of their pride to say the same. It’s not just because they want food.
  • Cats nibbling is indeed literally cats grooming you. It’s what mom cats do to their kittens. If a cat is gently biting and/or licking you, they’re now your mom.
  • Meowing can simply be for the mere fact they want to say hello, want to play or be pet. Again, not just for food.
  • They barely meow at other cats (except for kittens, they meow at mom cat), mostly just humans. There are exceptions but overall, meowing is almost always for us.
  • Cats squinting/slow blinking is indeed basically the equivalent of us smiling and/or kissing.
  • Cats, like humans, prefer to get things without having to work for it- which isn’t very common within other animals.
  • Cat massages or making biscuits is because they happy! Kneading is another way of saying “hey I like this moment here I enjoy you and my life.”
  • Cats recognize us by smell, sound, taste, and touch. They recognize us after years as their long term memory is extremely good. This is why abused or neglected cats are so easily scared or hard to connect with. If your scent changes over the years or just in the day, your voice will them it’s really you. Also, they will only remember you if you had impact on their life. If you just existed in the same house, they obviously won’t care.
  • And yes, they know our patterns in the day. You notice it when it’s beneficial to them (feeding time!). They will often wait for you to come home as well.
  • To remember: cats think we are interesting as hell. They watch us do everything because we’re fascinating!!!
  • They also want you to be around when eating because they feel vulnerable. They focus on eating so they hope you protect them. They do the same for you, all the time.
fictions-stranger

CATS 😍😍😍😍

jumpingjacktrash

when a cat turns their back on you, they’re not snubbing you. they’re trusting you to watch their back.

notice how when you’re unfamiliar but nonthreatening, they might loaf facing you and sorta halfway watch you. you’re not fully trusted, but you’re ok by them.

when you’re familiar and liked, they’ll often sit near you facing the same way. imitation of poses is a weird little way cats show solidarity. they do it to each other too. check out these bff’s:

image

they are doing this on purpose. it’s a buddy thing. so if you’re watching tv and a cat sits next to you and pretends to watch tv too, they are basically calling you bro and declaring friendship.

and if they really love and trust you, they’ll turn their back on you and go to sleep. they’ll sleep facing a wall in your presence, or lounge where they can’t see the room. this isn’t a snub, folks, this is true kitty love. they’re saying, “i feel safe when you’re around. i know nothing’s going to sneak up on me, because you’re here. i feel so safe i can stick my head under a pillow and snore with my butt pointed at you.”

farts aren’t an expression of love, though, as far as i know. they’re just farts.

fullofowls

Not mentioned but still relevant:

Wagging tail–does not mean happy, means lots of restless energy/agitated

time-travel-toke-up

Fun fact: because I treat ALL animals like tiny intelligent toddlers with logic and *A* common sense that just doesn’t glock yours because SPECIES barrier and a distinct lack of thumbs…

I consider any pets in a house just as much a resident to be respected as the humans because I am the guest and bitch THEY LIVE THERE.

So, because I taught pre k. And consider most pet animals to just be Adult Human Logic Impaired Thumbless Toddler Equivalents… I TALK to them like my students…

*MEOW* yes? What is it? *MEEEEEEOOOOOOOW* I don’t understand that tone can you show me?

And i follow them.

And I know a lot of “cat people” who DON’T speak cat, but they appreciate their animal. So I just give them the fun fact of what something means when they comment on a behavior they think is cute or weird they encourage simply because it is cute and they were told it was not harmful.

And my FAVORITE is when big quiet men who spoil their cats learn that their fluffy baby walking in to sit next to them playing a game, and keeping eyes on the door their human is not paying attention to is their cat’s way of saying “I got eyes on the door bro. You good to keep playing.”

There is nothing better than hearing “OH you watching the door for me, buddy? Hell yeah, thanks. After this round, we breaking out the nip!” And a responding meow after watching a man cry real tears at some point cuz I informed him that sleeping in the corner meant his cat was deeply trusted him and waking up to the cat sitting in his pillow watching the door was the guard duty while he slept. The cutest shit is telling cat people “yes, they love you JUST as much as you think they do… and maybe a lil more than you could ever imagine.”